Understand Your Man
Oh that man of mine I’m gonna…
So you want to understand your man? Do you think you can handle it? The discourse of this message will be blunt in areas, and in others it may well be sarcastic. Sometimes you may agree with me other times you may want to hunt me down and 슈어맨 hang me from the highest tree. Hear me out though I have learned a bit in my 50 years and hopefully I can give a little insight by now.
First of all he needs to be nurtured, I don’t care how old we get, we as men need nurturing. Nurturing to a man is not the same as the little boy. A little boy takes his mother’s nurturing as leadership and guidance. It is a time of learning that what ever he does mommy will be there to support him. It lets him know mommy can make it all better when he messes up, or makes a mess. (Yes, I am still talking about little boys, I know, I know!) Little boys take on a task and look at mommy to see her smile as he accomplishes his endeavor. It is the start of his character building. This is the start of his self esteem. It is also the start of his dependence for the womanly nurturing he will take with him through manhood. Here we go ladies, it is the start of that word we get in trouble because of so many times, his masculinity.
Men need acceptance. I could end this paragraph right here enough said. Men need acceptance from their wives, constantly, always, everyday. Men naturally are bold, defensive and the king of their castle. Never letting it come into harms way. Men stand up for their family and display their strength any way they can. Call it ego, call it being in charge, or a duty, men show power. They need power, they need to feel they can accomplish every task at hand. Back to being a little boy, they look to their wives not for acceptance like from mommy, but approval. A man needs to know his wife approves of all he does. Most things a man gets into is for his wife to approve of him. Building that deck or shed, using his tools and out of the side of his eyes looking to see her approval. A man still needs to hear those words,”I’m proud of you honey”. That is our greatest reward, hearing the wife say little phrases like that. A man needs the loving care ( another nurturing type) from his wife. He needs her to show concern, and console him, but, sometimes only on his asking for it. How the #@%$ do I know he is asking for it? I am not telling you that one. Why? Because that is so very different in every man. Some take it as mommy coming back to them and taking care of the baby boy. A man abhors being treated like a baby. He needs the nurturing, but not babying. Fine line there yes I know, but try to keep from crossing it. It will only lead to an eventual drawing away and closing up. The worst problem for husbands and wives is the husband closing up. Gone is communication and trust. The trust leaves because he wants someone by his side, not a mother figure over him. Men can close up enough on their own, we do not need help.
EGOS AND CONFIDENCE
Another fine line is ego. Men take ego in most cases as confidence. Often it gets mixed in a man’s life. Some areas he is genuinely confident, others it is ego coming through. Confidence is his ability to provide for his family. His strength in taking on dangers and letting families dwell in safety. It is being a good husband and daddy. It is taking pride in his job. Confidence makes him bold gives his strength in times of sorrow, times of peril. His confidence exudes when a bad storm comes in and he comforts his family, they know with daddy the storm will pass. They know whatever the outcome, however tragic he can make it better. That is a man. Ego comes when he doesn’t get the approval he so desires. (see previous paragraph) He let’s everyone know just how “good” he is, just what he is capable in doing. He boasts of all abilities and conquers, whether good or bad. He is out for approval, wherever he achieves the want. You know what that can lead to I guess I needn’t go into that at this time. His ego is his own buddy, a pal to him. No matter how bold it may become it is very fragile. He will not let interference come to his ego. Some may want to call it his pride, either way it is his. He will defend it no matter what. In this defense if he is not feeling the nurturing of his beloved wife he again turns in. He keeps his thoughts to himself. Closing the drawbridge he dares anyone to cross his moat. He will defend it with his very life if needed. With the hurt ego he is now defending himself rather than the very loved ones he defended before. Try prying it open and very likely he will board it shut even more. Do not get me wrong he is responsible for this not you the wife. It is totally on him. The remedy though is the hardest part. You see, women are born to pry. You have that nurturing in you naturally and the constant pleading to him is not what he needs or wants. Loving a man is not easy it has pains and annoyances. And believe me being annoying is a man’s birthright.